I need to let the pregnancy hormones express themselves and say that I possibly have the lowest self-esteem of anyone in the world right now. I am not fishing for compliments...in fact, I wouldn't believe if you gave them to me...this is purely for bitching purposes. Maybe it's just me, but pregnancy is making me the most disgusting person in the world. I feel like I am covered from head to toe with pimples...I am a pizza-body. My boobs are so enormous that they don't fit in any bras without getting squished together...then they get all sweaty and smelly, which seems to perpetuate the pizza-boob issue. I only have one bra that is comfortable to wear, so when that is dirty, such as it was today, I am forced to live in discomfort, which today meant itchy boobies all day from lace. When I look in the mirror, it makes me want to puke - there are zits everywhere and seemingly a serious oil problem. I desperately need a haircut (which I really can't blame on pregnancy...) I suppose I could take care of that. I look at myself and my mouth fills with throw up. Not to mention, that absolutely none of my pants fit me. I have about 2 pairs of pants that are comfortable. Most of the maternity pants my friends have given me fall off my ass all day...which is strange because with an ass this large, you'd think it would hold up anything. My boobs don't really fit into any shirts, so that limits the supply greatly. So that is it, I am revolting...it's amazing anyone ever knocked me up to begin with. And the worst part is that the sweet taste of alcohol which could potentially block my feelings on disgustingness, is of course, forbidden. Oh yeah, and for some reason, people have NO PROBLEM calling me fat right to my face. What is it about me? Am I wearing a sign that says "be honest with me...I don't care...call me chubby..." This baby had better be amazing. But seriously - I am excited about being knocked up...
Two stories from today:
#1: Apparently the worms from science class have become knocked up and have started laying eggs. I guess when worms reproduce, they get some sort of egg sack on the outside that they they "lay" http://www.animalcorner.co.uk/insects/worms/worm_reproduction.html. Well, Ms. Dunevant said, of a knocked up worm, "Oh, it's like Mrs. Thorner." So - my kids told me I was like a pregnant worm. Thanks, Jess.
#2: In the bus parking lot after school, one of my students from last year ran up to me and says "Is it true that you are having a baby?" And then proceeds to smash her ear up against my stomach and ask why she couldn't hear the baby in there. Then she talked to me for several minutes whilst rubbing my gut...which at this point is really just a fat roll, pushed out by my uterus.
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5 comments:
Awww!! You are beautiful and perfect aaaand you have a baby inside you!!!!! It's so exciting! Let me also remind you that at four months pregant, you're still way skinnier than most of our coworkers (and at least one of your students).
I'm very sorry I named the worm Mrs. Thorner. It was by far the prettiest worm in the compost, though. None of the other worms had anything on that sexy worm mama. :-)
i am dying laughing that you are way skinnier than one of your students!
maybe you should have a little shelley day and get a haircut and a couple of items of clothing that fit you properly (or are too big so you can grow into them). regardless of how awesome it is that you have a baby in you, it sucks that you feel crappy about you, because you are the shizz. i'm sure nobody else thinks you look nearly as bad as you think you do.
also, i heard somewhere once that if you get "ugly" during pregnancy it's because you're having a girl and she is sucking out all your beauty. so at least your kid will be good looking!
xoxo
Having just spent pretty much every day for the last 10 months listening to my boss say all the same things as you (I've seriously never heard one person complain of being disgusting more in my life) I would say what you're feeling must be pretty normal.
Also, having reassured her every day for the last 10 months that she is gorgeous and not all those awful things she called herself, since she still never believed me I'll assume that you probably wont give a rats ass what we're all going to say either.
Too bad, I think you're sexy ;)
and i think you can blame your need for a haircut on the pregnancy, doesnt hair grow waaaay faster when you're pregnant?
Actually, I think you're allowed to blame anything you want on your pregnancy, who's going to argue? I'm jealous.
I was pretty much going to write Jaime's second paragraph, but she did it for me (and probably more eloquently) so I'll just send you **HUGS!** instead. xo
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